Ph. Verdiana Ramina  

After tantrums and sleep, is a must broach the subject that underlies the whole issue of education ….. the RULES and especially how to enforce them in our beloved children. We often hear that times have changed, that our parents knew how to command respect as we now do a lot more effort to get the respect of our children! we also consider that we are in a time when almost all mothers work (for pleasure or necessity) and guilt towards their children, reigns sovereign alas !!! This guilt drives us sometimes to make mistakes in an attempt to “forgive us” was not engaged at every moment of life of our children (overcome the shortcomings with gifts or defects does not help!) for this reason I strongly believe in the rules because they help to put some ‘of order in life conduct and above all give us a direzione.Acquisire rules therefore it needs to become autonomous and independent adults. To make this possible, children need both love and affection, both of education and rules. As I believe that none of us is equipped with a “magic wand” (dare I say ……. maybe we had!), Much less think that none has the stock market a book of miracle solutions (otherwise you are kindly requested to make suffered an infinite number of copies !!!), we seek to understand what may be some suggestions to help, to help us parents to exercise authority balanced and effective, never forgetting that the principles of good education are still: love, few rules clear and indisputable and consistency. The rules must be few to not confuse the child and because the really important rules in life are not tante.Le rules must be clear: above all to ourselves, otherwise we fail to enforce them, and we would create so much confusione.Le rules must be positive: establish a positive rule encourages the child and a child, encouraged and gratified, will be more inclined to respect sempre.Le rules must be implemented: placing of unattainable goals creates immense frustration, so better just workable rules, which make happy all quanti.Le rules must be observed first of all from us: treat yourself to your children as an example. If you need to make exceptions (there are rules that apply only to children and not for adults) always justified to the child why you can do something and he did not! Be authoritative and not authoritarian or permissive: the rules are essential! To educate means to lead, guide, If the child misses the benchmark is likely to perdersi.Un child that grows respecting a few rules (right), will be an adult who will respect the few social rules of living civile.E you? How do you enforce the rules in your home? What are your little tricks that you use?

Buongiorno people love! Come state? Io in questi giorni ho riflettuto tanto, mica è colpa mia se possiedo un cervello che va a 1000 allora anche quando dormo! Sono sempre stata molto riflessiva fin da piccola, anche se ero molto più aggressiva: una forma di timidezza o forse di rabbia che è normale avere in adolescenza. Ora, da “quasi” adulta,  ho imparato a gestirla. Ho ripensato ai miei 15 anni, ai miei amici, ai primi amori, a quel luogo in cui sono cresciuta, Stabio, un paese del Canton Ticino con 3000 anime. Ho dei ricordi legati al cuore che sono indelebili e anche se me ne sono andata, quelli non me li porterà mai via nessuno … Ho  fatto questa riflessione curiosando su Facebook e domandandomi se  nel 1995 vivevamo bene lo stesso senza questa piattaforma. La risposta è stata: decisamente SI.  Mi chiedo che cosa abbiamo perso con l’era dei social e cosa mia figlia non conoscerà mai … Mi viene da sorridere: mi vedo già, io con i miei 45 anni e lei con i suoi 15, io che le spiego che alla sua età avevo un diario segreto e uno sul quale tutti i miei amici mi hanno lasciato una dedica … che noi non avevamo il cellulare e che facebook (o chissà cos’altro inventeranno) non esisteva lontanamente … E lei mi risponderà che i diari hanno smesso di metterli in commercio secoli fa! Lei forse non saprà mai che cos’è la Smemoranda, che per me all’epoca era tutto. A quindici anni avevo la bicicletta per andare a scuola, un pallone da pallavolo per allenarmi 4 volte a settimana, delle amiche del cuore inseparabili: Michela, Isabelle, Maria e la Patty . Dei ragazzi che erano come fratelli: Raffaello, Daniel e Jorge. C’era il  Serfontana, un centro commerciale di Chiasso, dove scappare quando si bigiava e … la Smemoranda per scriverci tutto ciò che facevo! Ma quel diario era soltanto mio, non era un “salotto facebookiano” dove  condividere stati e pensieri. E’ questo che mi sembra strano: io avevo bisogno di chiudere la mia vita dentro a delle pagine scritte che rimanevano mie e di pochi altri. Oggi questa intimità sembra svanita nel nulla, non tanto per noi adulti, ma proprio per gli adolescenti. Vedo ragazzini che postano foto sui social in cui si baciano con il loro grande amore del momento e penso a come ero io. Anch’io baciavo, ma ricordo che con Luca M. a ricreazione andavamo a nasconderci in posto solo nostro. Stavamo lì a chiacchierare e a  darci qualche bacetto. Se mio padre mi avesse vista, mi avrebbe ammazzata!!!  Non ho conosciuto il bullismo. Certo, c’erano un paio di ragazze alle superiori che mi prendevano in giro. Credono ancora oggi che non sappia come mi chiamavano allora!Ma ero già abbastanza incavolata per aver cambiato casa ed essere approdata a Vicenza per badare a loro … che poi il  problema era che io avevo un sedere 10 volte migliore del loro, per intenderci. Loro mi prendevano in giro ed io le compativo … Ma  l’aggressività verbale e psicologica, la sfogavo nel mio mondo, ossia sul mio diario, non certo addosso ai miei compagni o ai miei insegnanti. Da adolescente avevo delle regole, una madre sempre presente nonostante fossimo in 5 figli, diretti come fossimo  militari. Oggi esistono ancora quelle regole? Mia figlia dice sempre “grazie” e le persone si sorprendono.”Che , che educata!” Che brava? Che educata? Ma minimo che deve imparare a dire “grazie”! Prendiamo un altro esempio? Ginevra saluta tutti, chiunque incontra, conosciuti e non. Le persone ridono e la maggior parte rimane di stucco, ma io sono cresciuta in un paese in cui tutti si salutavano e si guardavano negli occhi per dirsi “Ciao”. Arrivo all’ asilo a prendere Ginevra, entro  e saluto tutti, ma voi credete che le altre mamme mi rispondano? Mai! Mi guardano come fossi un alieno! Poi, con il tempo ti conoscono e ti dicono che sei una persona tanto solare. Non sono così solare, anzi, mi sveglio con delle lune a volte! Il discorso è che ho ricevuto un’educazione, che vivo e faccio parte di una comunità e che io sia positiva con gli altri credo sia il minimo. Poi le stesse persone e qui riprendo il discorso di prima, ti scrivono su facebook per parlare e rimango a bocca aperta e penso: “Ma se due minuti fa manco mi hai salutata?”. Non capisco, giuro, non ci capisco più nulla! Resta il fatto che io ho una Smemoranda che rimarrà con me fin che campo. E’ lì nel mio cassetto, esiste ,è concreta e mi permette di rivivere sorridente e felice i miei 15 anni. Oggi e domani cosa cavolo avranno i ragazzi? E poi dite che non ho fatto bene a mettere al mio ultimo libro il titolo” Un passo indietro”…. Mi sono sfogata! Ora vi abbraccio e vi saluto. P.S. Salutatemi quando mi incontrate, io regalo sorrisi a tutti!.

Good morning Love People! How are you? Me, I have reflected a lot in the past days, it’s not my fault if I have a brain that goes 1.000 miles an hour even when I’m asleep! I have always been a reflective person since I was little, even if I was way more aggressive: some sort of shyness, or maybe anger, that comes natural during adolescence. Now, being “almost” an adult, I have learnt how to control it. I thought about when I was 15, my friends, my first crushes, the place where I grew up, Stabio, a town in the Canton Ticino, with 3000 people.I have many memories in my heart that are unforgettable and even if I left, nobody will ever take them away from me…I thought about this as I was scrolling my Facebook and asking myself whether in 1995 we still lived just fine even without it. The answer is: absolutely YES. I wonder what we have lost with the Social Network age and what my daughter will never see… it makes me want to smile: I already picture myself, 45 years old and she will be 15, I will be telling her that when I was her age I had a secret diary and one on which all of my friends wrote something… that we didn’t have a cell phone and that Facebook (or whatever else they will invent) was far from entering our lives…She will answer me that diaries have been withdrawn from the market hundreds of years ago! Maybe she will never know what Smemoranda is, which for me has been everything. When I was 15 I used to go to school by bicycle, I had a volley ball for practicing four times a week, inseparable best friends: Michela, Isabelle, Maria and Patty. I also had friends that were like brothers to me: Raffaello, Daniel and Jorge. There was the Serfontana, a mall where we used to go to when we skipped school and … my Smemoranda, to write everything I was doing. But that diary was only mine, it wasn’t a “facebook-like social thing” to share status and thoughts. That’s what seems weird to me: I had the need to lock my life in those written pages that only myself and a few others would see. Nowadays this privacy  seems to be vanished, not much for adults, but for teenagers. I see kids posting on their socials photos of them kissing their big love of the moment and I think about how I was. I kissed as well, but I remember that at recess, with Luca M., we used to go hide in a place that was only ours. We would just stay there talking and kissing. If my dad saw me, he would have killed me!!! I’veneverexperiencedbullying. Well, of course there were a couple of girls picking on me in high school. They still think I didn’t know what they used to call me! But I was already mad enough about having moved to Vicenza to care about them…basically, the problem was that my butt was 10 times better than theirs, you know. They were making fun of me and I just felt sorry for them…but the aggressiveness, verbal and psychological, I would give vent to that in my own world, my diary, certainly not towards my school mates or my teachers. I had rules as a teenager, my mom was always there even though we were 5 kids, we were supervised like soldiers. Do rules still exist today? My daughter always says “thank you” and people are surprised.“How polite!” Well-behaved? Polite? Saying “thank you” is the least she has to learn! Another example? Ginevra always says “hi” to everyone she meets, no matter whether she knows them or not. People laugh and most of the times are shocked, but I grew up in a place where everyone would always say “hello”, and would look one another in the eyes to do so. When I go pick up Ginevra from kindergarten I always say “hello” to everybody, do you think the other moms say it back? Never! They look at me like I was an alien! Then, after some time, they get to know you and they tell you how cheerful of a person you are. I’m not even that cheerful, in fact sometimes I wake up in such a bad mood! The thing is, I was educated, I am part of a society and I think that being nice and positive with other people is the least I can do. Then the same people, going back to what I was saying before, contact you on Facebook to have a talk and that just leaves me speechless and make me think: “why are you texting me if two minutes ago you wouldn’t even say hi to me?”. I really do not understand! The fact remains that I own a Smemoranda that will always be with me. It’s right there in my drawer and it allows me to happily revive my 15 years. What are today’s kids going to have? And then you say that naming my book “A step back” was not a good idea…I had to let it out! Hugs and kisses.

P.S. Say “hello” to me when you meet me, I give away smiles to everybody!